Role: Perpetual ex-fiancé and reluctant heir to a declining Earlship. Accidentally bought a taxidermied peacock at Brothelby’s auction thinking it was a contemporary sculpture.

Known For: A perfectly crumpled linen suit, devastating cheekbones, and being romantically unavailable since 2003. Hosts an annual midsummer tennis soirée at his villa in the French Riviera (despite banning racquets since 2019). 

Signature Move: Reappearing every spring “just for the regatta” and vanishing with someone’s wife by midsummer

Quote: “Marriage is such a lovely idea. I just don’t believe in ruining it with permanence.”

Currently Involved With: Penny (but might be texting Gigi)

Owes Money To: Petunia Featherstone-Witt (for losing a bet at the Ascot afterparty)