Role: Perpetual ex-fiancé and reluctant heir to a declining Earlship

Known For: A perfectly crumpled linen suit, devastating cheekbones, and being romantically unavailable since 2003

Signature Move: Reappearing every spring “just for the regatta” and vanishing with someone’s wife by midsummer

Quote: “Marriage is such a lovely idea. I just don’t believe in ruining it with permanence.”

Currently Involved With: Penny (but might be texting Gigi)

Owes Money To: Petunia Featherstone-Witt (for losing a bet at the Ascot afterparty)